What do I believe right now?

I think I am best described as a panpsychic polytheistic nihilist.

I never doubted the existence of non-human intelligent life, or that all phenomena has intrinsic qualia, and that existence has no intrinsic purpose or meaning.

Put altogether, I think if I had to express all of that as some kind of religion, it would be the religion of living life in the here and now, and then dying in a ditch, forever forgotten.

Even Buddhism is “too complex” for what I believe in. I believe in very little. Indeed, it is as if I believe in nothing at all (which is not atheism, nor materialism, as those views are also “too complex”, with too much belief).